Growing Up and Taking Care of Mom

I grew up overnight it seems. 

I had always been the one to take care of mom when she was depressed. Some times I would just leave her alone when she wasn't getting up. Sometimes I would do my best to get her up so she could take care of me. When my dad was a part of our lives, he took care of her the best she would allow. I had three years where this was the case.

When we moved to Arizona, my job became a little more difficult. 

My mother went into a high. With the Bipolar Disorder you have depression with the lows and manic episodes with the highs. 

One of my memories in Arizona was of my mom dancing on the table with the dog. She was drunk and I believe she was also doing some drugs that night as well. She was singing along to the music on the T.V. 

After my dad and my mom were divorced, I would dream of them getting back together and us all living together again. I liked my mom's first husband Wally, but I didn't really want to stay with him. There were strangers always staying in our house. I had my own room. But we had people sleeping on the back porch, in the living room, and everywhere there could be a blanket and pillow. 

Wally's lifestyle was a little crazy. He did drugs, had pornography around his house, and did things I probably don't want to know about. He wanted to remarry my mom and she wanted to remarry him. 

She had another break down while we lived in Arizona. After she came home from the hospital this time, Wally told her that he was dying. They could not get remarried and he sent us away so that we wouldn't watch him die. 

Mom and I moved to Salina, Kansas where her brother lived. He took us in and we stayed with him for a while. Wally died not too long after we moved. Mom was broken. We had no where to go. We had no money to get there. My mom couldn't work due to her mental illness. She filed for disability and welfare. 

I wondered why my dad didn't want me. I grew very angry while we lived in Kansas. I hoped that my dad would relent and remarry my mom until he married my stepmom. I hated her. I didn't want anything to do with my dad's new wife or my stepsisters. I determined that my job was to take care of my mom and to survive this life. 

Mom and I moved into a small house and did my best to take care of her. She had more physical health issues. I was in the sixth grade and I did everything I could to make sure my mom was alright. 

We moved again since housing assistance kicked in and we could afford to live in a better place. We lived just down the street from my uncle. It was nice. Just me and mom with my uncle close by. I was taking care of mom. She didn't need to go into the hospital when she was sad. I had some friends from across town. Then Fabian showed up and my life changed again.